Cameroonian women divided over choice of marriage

Say Polygamy or Monogamy is a matter of choice

By Yemti Harry Ndienla

Marriage according to native laws and customs of most tribes in Cameroon, is Polygamy. But today the situation is changing. Most women here say they wouldn't go into polygamy in the 21 century. In a vox pop conducted by the Herald Newspaper many held that polygamy was against God’s teachings, while others said accepting to be a second wife would put their life in peril, would make them jealous, would cause them to contract STIs, etc. However, a handful of them said there was no problem going into marriage in that capacity so long as their husband loved them.

“I would not afford to see my husband sleep with another woman in the name of co-wife because I am the jealous type. The Bible condemns polygamy, and so I would not want to involve myself in detestable things. From the beginning God created one man for one woman; not more. Again accepting to be a second wife would mean occupying the second position, which is dangerous. Love, as we all know, would not be shared equitably”, says Matilda Ngwan.
Like Ngwan, Ma Miranda, intimated that accepting to be a second wife is really a crazy thing because the happiness of another person would be destroyed. “The Bible condemns polygamy, and I know very well that accepting to be a second wife is synonymous with declaring war on oneself. This is because most often the wives would fight and quarrel, and this could adversely affect their children’s upbringing”.

But Veronica Ngwa, who grew up in a polygamous home says it's normal being a second wife provided there is love in the family.“I grew up in a home with four wives and all of them lived in harmony. Most often it is the man who brings problems between the wives by may be loving one more than the others”.

The situation is different with Tchang Consula who sees women as devils.“I would never want to be a second wife because I am not sure I would be able to know the true character of the first wife. Women are snakes and when they are together one could be very poisonous to the other”. To her, the human heart is unpredictable and described by the Bible as wicked. Thus accepting to become a second wife would be risky since she would not know the first woman’s mind. “I may like to live in peace with her whereas she doesn’t want to see me, and in such circumstances one life’s could be at risk. Also, I would not want to put my children in a confused situation should my husband die first. This is so because the first wife and her children would claim all the man’s property on the pretext that they were there first. Above all, I wouldn’t even want to share a husband with another woman”.
Ebot Matilda shares the same view with Tchang, who intimated that “My husband, as much as I know, is my sole property that I must not share with another woman. And this should be same for other women and their husbands. I am a jealous woman and so cannot accept any other woman beside me. If other women were like me, no one would accept me in her home as a second wife”.Besides she adds that Being a second wife is not in the agenda of a Christian woman as herself and that God condemns polygamy. Pointing to the Bible she says its prescribes one wife for one man and nothing more. “Accepting to be a second wife is going against God’s teachings and I would not want to pierce my God’s heart”.
To others accepting the position of a second wife would depend on the first wife or other conditions. “I can be a second wife if only the first accepts. Also, if the first wife is dead, leaving behind children that need to be catered for then there would be no problem for me to go in as a second wife. But if the man wants a second wife because of problems in his house, I would not accept to go into such a home” says M. Catherine.
Though there may be some reasons for a man to want to have a second wife, many like Ebot say there is no biblical justification for it. “I would not want to be a second wife because according to the Bible God created Adam and Eve and not Adam and Mary, Susan and other women for him. Biblically again, being a second wife is nothing short of committing adultery. No matter the justification put up by society, a home with more than one wife is a divided one. No man can pretend to share his love equally with two or more wives”.
“Marriage is marriage” says M. Miriam. That she would accept to be a second wife, no matter the circumstance. “If a man really loves me I would not turn down his offer for marriage simply because he is already married. There are so many women who are stranded because men are scarce, so I have no choice. Remember that the ratio of men to women is not 1:1”.